Not in the Stars
by greenconverses
Summary: John and Teyla's lives before they met in "Rising" - with a twist. Alternate Universe.


**Author's notes:** Wrote this a few months ago for a challenge on one of the John/Teyla communities on livejournal. Took me a while to get around to posting it here. Need to get better with that sort of thing.  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own _Stargate Atlantis_. 

**Not in the Stars**

_It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves – William Shakespeare._

The one memory John has of his blood family is screams; terrible, stomach churning screams that can only be heard in the darkest hours of the night. Screams that created many a sleepless night and served to remind him of the shortness of life. 

Tagan said that was how his people had discovered his existence in the ruins of his village – screaming his breath away and no memory of himself except for a name. John asked for the story once, when he was very young, and never asked again. 

When Tagan took him back to his home planet, John saw and touched the crumbling ruins of his old home. He was never more grateful not to remember his losses.

Nature had reclaimed the structure – weeds climbed the walls and a young tree was growing in the center of the building. There were few personal objects remaining, scavenged by local animals or curious ring travelers. John managed to recover a small ring in the dirt outside the room Tagan had found him hiding in. After they returned to Athos, he put the ring on long strand of leather and tied it around his neck. He never took it off.

Whenever he moves, he can feel the ring beat against his chest in time with his heart. 

* * *

Teyla Emmagan was born to a pair of high school sweethearts six months after graduation. She was a healthy, beautiful baby and her presence increased her parents' bliss tenfold. They spoiled her needlessly, buying dresses and booties in every color, and showed her off to anyone who would look. The Emmagans were the Perfect American Family, right down to the picket fence and the golden retriever. 

They remained that way until Teyla was fourteen years old and her father, a proud member of the National Guard, was called to fight in Operation Desert Storm. He was gone for only a year, but his absence changed Teyla's mother. She had never provided for herself or another before, and could not sustain a well-paying job without the college education she declined to order to raise her child. 

She began drinking heavily and took up gambling with some men from work. She fell behind on bill payments – Teyla remembered having no heat in the winter for three days while her mother scrambled for money – and fell out of love with Teyla's father. 

When her father finally returned, he had changed too. Their family was never the same, not even after her mother gave birth to another baby seven months later. 

By then, Teyla was old enough to realize that her family's happiness had been a well-crafted illusion.

* * *

John never revealed his knowledge of Tagan's past. He did not think it was proper to mention something he had overheard in gossip circles without first giving Tagan a chance to approach the subject. Tagan never braved that conversation with John in the years after he took John into his family.

Tagan had lost both his lifetime companion and firstborn during a disastrous winter childbirth only a few moon cycles before the Athosians found John. His heart had been too sore to refuse an orphaned child.

John loved Tagan like he would have his own father, but Tagan…Tagan's heart never opened again after the death of his loved ones. He was kind, affectionate even, but he never looked at John with pride the way Halling's father did. Tagan merely provided the means for John's existence.

"Blood means more to those old fools than it should," Charin said once during a cooking lesson. John had laughed – Charin calling someone thirty seasons younger an "old fool" had that affect on a thirteen-seasoned boy – but he knew it to be true.

John was the outsider among a close people, a fact many reminded him of on a dawn-to-dawn basis. Many of the other children were not allowed to play with him because their parents feared him and called his existence unnatural. Pakuna, one of the members of the council, named him a Wraith Bringer during his first days on Athos and the title clung like a bad smell.

Often, John wondered if this was why Tagan could not accept him as his son. 

* * *

A year later, Teyla's mother left. She gave no explanation, no reason – she walked out the front the door with two suitcases and her jewelry box, and never came home.

She left behind Teyla, the baby, her husband, and thousands of dollars in gambling debt. 

Teyla's father, still on the edge from his experiences in Iraq, descended deeper into depression and alcohol. A month passed and her father could no longer handle life. The county sheriff found him floating in the lake a day and half after he went missing. 

Her mother came back for the baby – not for her. Teyla went to live with her grandmother and didn't hear from them again.

The night she moved into her grandmother's house, Teyla cried into her pillow and swore she wouldn't give up like her mother had. 

* * *

Nada was John's first love. He was seventeen seasons, the perfect age for a union, and she was beautiful. 

John made her laugh – she had the most glorious laugh in the camp – with his wit and wooed her with his knowledge of the arts and trades. Her hair shined like the mid-day sun and her eyes were the color of deep waters of the lake. She was the only girl who spent time with him, who did not view him as strange, and John wanted to spend the rest of his days with her.

Nada did not have many days to spare to him.

The Wraith came for the first time in a generation and decimated the Athosian encampment. Gone were Halling's parents, Charin's husband and son, Tagan's distant sister, Nada and her entire family…

"I want to learn to fight," John told Tagan as he kneeled on the floor in the remains of their tent. 

The shrieks of the mourning (so similar to ones he heard already) could be heard for miles and the fires were nearly put out. John was bleeding from the head and one eye was swollen shut – after the Wraith were gone, a mob of panicked survivors had descended upon the Wraith Bringer, punishing him for their losses. Tagan was the one who saved him and sorted out the madness.

John had never felt more alone and helpless in his life. 

"_Please_…"

"Get on your feet, John," Tagan replied, voice gruff and exhausted. "We will speak of this at a later date."

When the mourning ceremonies complete (the council voted not to let John attend) and the encampment moved to a safe location, Tagan took John to the Nodons, the most combat capable of Athos's allies. 

The Nodon's training was backbreaking and exhausting, and it did not bring Nada back. He thought about her in the season and two moon cycles he was away from Athos, but over time he forgot the sound of her laughter and the shine of her hair dimmed. He met other women, who did not know him as Wraith Bringer, and the Nodons thought highly of him. 

He went back when he was strong enough to ignore the pain. 

* * *

"Have you given some thought about joining the Air Force?"

Captain Samantha Carter wasn't the recruiter Teyla had expected. Smiling, blonde, and with eyes as blue as her uniform, Captain Carter looked as un-military as Teyla had ever seen. Captain Carter had a PhD in astrophysics, was a veteran of Operation Desert Storm, and was currently working a top secret government program at the Pentagon. 

"…and that's only some of the benefits the Air Force provides over the other branches. If you enlist, we're willing to pay…"

Captain Carter's spiel didn't matter – Teyla had heard the same thing for the past year and a half from all the branches of the military. Her ASVAB scores were the highest in the state and she was an All-American athlete. The recruiters had been tripping over themselves to have her enlist since she expressed serious interest in the programs. The Air Force must have been particularly desperate if they were pulling out top brass like Captain Carter. 

"Why did you decide join?" Teyla asked politely, as she did with all the recruiters. She liked hearing people's stories. 

"Well, military service runs in my family and I want to go into the space program eventually. But truthfully?" Carter leaned forward with a grin and whispered conspiratorially, "Pilots are hot."

In the end, Teyla signed on the dotted line because Carter made her laugh for the first time in weeks. She never regretted her decision.

* * *

Tagan and the council are in session in the main lodge when Raanui, one of Charin's grandsons, bursts through the opening and demands audience.

"There is a fearsome warrior approaching from the direction of the ring!" Raanui says with terrible enthusiasm. "He means to slaughter us all!"

Tagan disregards Raanui's last statement – the boy is full of fantastical notions such as this – but he dissolves the council meeting for the time being and heads out to greet the warrior with a group of Athos's finest. 

From a distance, the warrior's clothes and cropped hair mark him as Nodonian yet Tagan does not recognize him from any previous dealings. He is taller and leaner than most of their kind, and he is built just a powerfully as the others. 

He features become more recognizable as he approaches. The determined green eyes and a crooked smirk set in a matured face. A stumbling gait transformed into a fluid, powerful stride. Broad shoulders and straightened posture in place of a hunched and gangly body. Confidence where there was none a season and three moon cycles previous.

"Tagan," John Sheppard greets, bowing his head in the traditional manner. "It has been many days."

"Indeed it has," Tagan replies, his voice cracking with pride. "Welcome home."

* * *

In 1998, Teyla graduated top of her class at UCLA with degrees in international relations and political science. She was the valedictorian and wore her dress blues during her speech.

Chris Appelgate, her long time boyfriend, said he'd never seen a sexier valedictorian before and after a romantic dinner downtown, they made love at their apartment. He proposed to her in the afterglow, apologizing for not having a ring because it was "a spur of the moment kind of thing."

Teyla told him it'd be best to wait on an engagement until she got back from her first tour of duty. He tried to convince her that she was just being stubborn, that their marriage wouldn't end up like her parents' had, that her tour would be the proper length for an engagement and just enough time for him to finish up at law school. She wouldn't have any of it.

"Let's see if you'll still want your sexy valedictorian after she turns into a hard ass G.I Jane," she said with a laugh, curling into his side. "And then we'll talk about getting married."

She spent her first tour in Afghanistan at Bagram Airbase and she flew everything they would let her. Mostly, the top brass stuck her with cargo and evac choppers because they weren't ready to let a woman play with the shiny toys quite yet. She got quite good at interpreting and began to spend more time on the ground with the jarheads than in the air. Her superior officers liked her well enough to let her head her team and she was well on track to being promoted.

She wrote to Chris every week and emailed or called him whenever the respective technology was available for use. He always sounded enthusiastic when she called and even though his letters were short and scarce, he still signed with "with love."

The warning signs were all there, the guys told her so and her heart said it, but she still wasn't expecting to find a curvy prosecutor in their bed when she came home on leave.

"And you – you wanted to get _married_ – " she hissed, furiously brushing angry tears from her cheeks as she stormed through their apartment, picking up anything that looked like it belonged to her. "I can't believe you. I can't believe _you_!"

She left Chris and the curvy woman in their underwear, called up some of her military friends, and they started to get themselves piss drunk at a downtown bar.

"Don't beat yourself over him, Teyla," Captain Evan Lorne said, taking a long drink from his bottle. "You don't need him."

Teyla circled the lip of her bottle with her finger, contemplating.

"You're right. I don't." 

She smiled and then downed the entire bottle. Lorne arched an eyebrow and turned to the bartender to ask for two shots of tequila.

She hated herself for believing in both of them.

* * *

"When did you become such a good trader?" Halling demanded, grabbing John around the neck and nuzzling his cropped hair with his fist. John struggled free and shared a joyous grin with his companion. "The Genii have never traded with us and you managed not only to gain their trust, but brokered our largest trade of the season! Who are you and what have you done with John Sheppard?"

"Well, why you were busy getting a companion and rearing Jinto, I was actually doing work with our trading partners," John laughed as the trampled through the high grass back to the ring. "And the Nodons were firm believers in beating not only defense skills into their students, but social and trading skills as well."

"Has it really been five seasons since you returned to us?" Halling asked wondrously, still grinning. "You have changed so much. Will you ever grow you hair back to traditional length?"

"I like my hair the way it is, thank you," John replied, running hand through it self-consciously. "Besides, the women seem to like it…on many worlds!"

"You wolf," Halling clapped him on the back proudly. "I saw the way Tyris's daughter was looking at you. A little young, don't you think?"

John playful shoved Halling away as they approached the address device near the ring. 

"Shut your mouth," he grumbled, dialing Athos's sequence into the device. "I cannot control a woman's reaction to me."

"Your looks are going to get you in trouble someday soon, mark my words," Halling replied, shaking his head. The ring activated and they started toward it. "Speaking of women, when are you going to settle down? You are well past the companion age, and I refuse to belief that you're still smarting from Nada's death."

"No longer, my friend, I assure you." John said, stepping into the ring. 

Ring travel was John's favorite part of visiting their allies and trading partners. Halling said it made him sick, but John enjoyed the fast, twisting sensation of it. It was a thrill that nothing on Athos could provide.

"When I find the right woman, I'll settle down, and not a moment before then," he continued, trotting down the ring steps. "Until then, you can keep your opinions about my companion situation to yourself."

"_John_," Halling said, trailing after him. The stars were glittering overhead and there was a faint glow in the horizon.

"_Halling_."

The seriousness of the subject was ebbing away at the joy the trading agreement had brought.

"You know how short life is. You cannot wait around for the 'right' woman, not with the Wraith lurking in every corner of space. You must do your duty to your people and settle with a nice girl to continue the Athosian bloodline."

"Bah!" John spat, looking over his shoulder. "You can feed that line to any other young buck, but it will not work on me! The council has deliberated on the state of my Athosian blood for twenty seasons and the Wraith will come again before they make a decision – "

"Do not say such things or you will bring them down upon us!" Halling hissed. 

John rolled his eyes, brushing branches aside. Halling was the most superstitious of their age, a trait that had inhibited him when they were younger. He could be counted upon to –

He stopped dead in the forest and Halling ran into him. 

"John, what – "

"Do you smell smoke?"

Halling sucked in a breath and glanced in the direction of the camp. The horizon was an unnatural orange color of this time of day and grey clouds blotted out the stars. 

John did not wait for Halling's answer and ran.

* * *

"Captain Emmagan!"

Teyla clenched her jaw and turned on her heel, nearly getting run over by a scientist with a cart and knocking Sgt. Bates off his course with her pack. 

"Yes, Colonel Sumner, sir?" she said, straightening and putting on her best _I'm Only Putting Up With Your Misogyny Because I Really Want To Go To Another Galaxy_ face. 

"My office. Now, Captain."

Teyla huffed, her bangs fluttering out of her eyes, and followed Sumner to the cramped room that was acting as his temporary office. 

"Shut the door behind you," Sumner said, settling behind his desk. He didn't invite her to sit down. 

"I want to make one thing clear, Captain. You are not going on this mission because I wanted or commissioned you. You are here because _Doctor Weir_ – " Sumner said Elizabeth's name with heavy sarcasm and gave Teyla a pointed look " – requested it."

"I know, sir."

Meeting Doctor Elizabeth Weir had been a stroke of luck Teyla was forever grateful for. She'd heard of Elizabeth before, of course – she was something of a legend in the International Relations world – so it had been a bit of a shock when Elizabeth clambered into her chopper in North Africa on her way to the now infamous nonproliferation treaty. Teyla had stuttered and stammered like a teenager the entire way and Elizabeth eventually gave her a business card, probably just to get her to shut up.

For an entire year, Teyla and Elizabeth emailed back and forth, trading ideas about treaties, discussing current events and even gossiping about their love lives. Teyla didn't see Elizabeth in person again until three months ago when she had been called into her superior's office to find Elizabeth waiting with a nondisclosure agreement and explanation about the Stargate Program in hand. 

Teyla spent the next two months at McMurdo in Antarctica, ferrying people like General Jack O'Neill and Dr. Daniel Jackson to and from the Ancient outpost. She met extraordinary scientists and learned as much about the Ancients and Atlantis as she could. Teyla had been a last minute addition to the Atlantis expedition – an addition Colonel Sumner was not happy about. 

"I don't think you know anything, Captain," he continued. "You will not get special treatment because you are Dr. Weir's favorite nor should you expect it. You will follow the same chain of command as the rest of the expedition – "

" – and Dr. Weir's the one who gives the orders, right?" Teyla asked dryly, unable to ignore his condescending attitude any longer. 

Sumner glared daggers at her and she matched his gaze unabashedly.

"You are first and foremost a member of the United States military. Your orders will come from me and me alone." he said in deadly tones. "As of right now, you are my second in command and I expect my orders to be followed without question. Do. You. Understand?"

Teyla stood silent for a moment, shocked. She was going to have a command position?

"Captain?" Sumner prompted, pissed.

"Sir!" Teyla stuttered. "I mean, yes, sir. I understand, sir. Second in command, sir?"

Sumner rolled his eyes.

"Dismissed, Captain."

* * *

Before they entered the tent Halling had led them to, Teyla grabbed Sumner by the arm and held him back. His expression turned murderous – he hadn't wanted her on this mission but Elizabeth had forced his hand on the matter.

"Captain, this better be good," he hissed, motioning for Ford and Stackhouse to go ahead. 

"Colonel, I think I should handle the negotiations," she said quickly, meeting his gaze. "I have the training and – "

"You have had not any off-world experience up until this point, Emmagan, and you're not handling a negotiation this delicate," Sumner responded tightly, turning. 

"This is why Dr. Weir brought me! Colonel – "

But he was already pushing his way into the tent, leaving Teyla outside in the darkness. She slowly counted to ten and pulled the entrance flap aside in time to hear the last of the introductions. 

She hovered in the background until Colonel Sumner managed to fuck up negotiations two minutes in. She shot him an _I_ _Told You So_ glared and stepped forward to smooth the Athosian leader's ruffled feathers. 

* * *

"John? _JOHN_!"

"_What_?"

John shifted his weight and glanced at the flickering light on the forest floor below. He whistled and watched it move toward his tree.

"John?" Toran asked, the light taking on the young man's form.

"Up here, Toran." 

"Tagan wants you to come back to camp! There are some strange ring travelers looking to trade!" Toran called. "He wants you there for the negotiations!"

John contained his groan of disappointment and began climbing down the branches. He could never wander far now, not after the devastating fire, and climbing trees was one of the few ways he could get away.

"Tagan has been trading for thirty seasons without my help," he replied. "Why does he need it now?"

"You are always complaining that no one accepted you and now that you are moving into a higher position, you complain about that too," Tagan started as John leaped down from the tree and landed in front of him. "Will you ever be satisfied?"

John sighed and glanced up through the branches at the stars.

"One day, perhaps."

* * *

John entered the lodge and she was the first the strangers to catch his eye. It was not because she was a woman or her strange clothing – neither were that uncommon. She met and held his gaze, and her brown eyes were determined and strong. There was no denying that she was beautiful and exotic, but there was something _more_ to her than her beauty. 

She was the first engaging woman he'd found in years.

* * *

The man at the entrance was different from the other Athosians – Teyla sensed that instantly. He was tall, taller than all the Marines present, and had a face that would be plastered on teen magazines back home. She had seen hundreds of guys like him on Earth and yet…yet…

She stood from her seat, the only one of the team to do so, to greet him and patted her uniform down to make the best impression.

As he approached, his eyes never left hers and that was the difference. She wasn't invisible to him.

* * *

"John Sheppard, of the Athosians," John said inclining his head. 

"Captain Teyla Emmagan, United States Air Force," Teyla replied with a smile. "Pleased to meet you, John."

A crooked grin spread tugged at his lips. "And I, you, Captain Emmagan."


End file.
